For many, having an open relationship sounds like freedom, adventure, and lived honesty. But before opening this door, it’s worth taking an honest look inward – and at each other. Because openness doesn’t automatically mean ease. It requires courage, trust, and the ability to talk about feelings before they become a burden. That’s why we’ve created our “open relationship or not” checklist for you.
This checklist will help you find out if you are emotionally, communicatively, and relationally ready to explore new paths in your relationship. It’s not about right or wrong – but about being honest with yourselves.
Take the test:
Check all questions you can answer with “Yes.”
1. Inner Attitude & Motivation
☐ Do you want an open relationship out of curiosity – or dissatisfaction?
☐ Do you know what you hope to gain from it (e.g., freedom, sexual diversity, growth)?
☐ Do you generally feel secure and loved in your relationship?
☐ Is your desire genuine – or a reaction to something that’s missing?
2. Communication & Honesty
☐ Can you openly discuss desires, fantasies, and fears?
☐ Can you give each other constructive criticism without hurting the other?
☐ Do you know what absolute honesty means in this context?
☐ Have you considered how you will deal with jealousy – and communicate it?
3. Trust & Emotional Security
☐ Do you have a stable foundation of trust and affection?
☐ Can you give each other space without control?
☐ Do you feel secure enough not to see other experiences as a threat?
☐ Can you genuinely be happy for each other’s experiences with others?
4. Rules & Boundaries
☐ Do you have clear agreements on what is allowed – and what is not?
☐ Have you defined whether it’s only about sex or also about feelings?
☐ Are there boundaries (e.g., specific people, places, practices)?
☐ How do you plan to handle dates, messages, or new contacts?
☐ Do you have a stop rule or a code word if something becomes too much?
5. Emotional Maturity & Self-Reflection
☐ Can you deal with jealousy without losing yourself?
☐ Do you know what triggers you – and why?
☐ Can you take responsibility for your feelings without blaming others?
☐ Are you willing to work on yourself – even if it hurts?
6. Practical Implementation
☐ Have you considered where and how you want to make new contacts (e.g., clubs, platforms, friends)?
☐ How do you ensure safer sex and emotional aftercare?
☐ How do you communicate what you’ve experienced – honestly, but respectfully?
☐ Do you have shared rituals to strengthen the relationship (e.g., “date night” just for you)?
7. Adjusting & Learning
☐ Are you willing to regularly discuss your experiences and adjust rules?
☐ Can you accept that there will be setbacks?
☐ Do you have a plan for how you’ll react if one of you falls in love?
☐ Do you know that openness is not a given, but a conscious decision – every day?
Evaluation & Conclusion
Count how many questions you answered with “Yes”:
❤️ 15–25 × Yes: You have a strong foundation and communicate openly. Good prerequisites for cautiously approaching the topic.
❤️ 8–14 × Yes: You are curious, but should still work on trust, communication, or clear agreements.
❤️ Fewer than 8 × Yes: An open relationship might currently cause too much unrest. First, talk honestly about your expectations and boundaries.
But: There is no perfect preparation. No model that works for everyone. Every open relationship is as individual as the people who live it. You can (and should) write your own rules – but you will never be able to foresee everything. Feelings, dynamics, and encounters cannot be planned.
That’s the beauty – and the challenge – of this form of love: It forces you to be honest, to constantly re-evaluate, and to grow together.
Anyone who wants to know what this journey truly feels like – with all its highs, lows, and thrilling moments – will find an authentic, dual perspective on the world of open relationships, desire, and self-discovery in the books Swing, Baby – my kinky little secret .
