Are you curious, reading terms like Cuckold, Vanilla Sex, or Aftercare and wondering: What does that actually mean? In our Sex Lexicon, you’ll find clear explanations of the most important terms in the erotic, BDSM, and swinger scenes – from A to Z, without taboos and explained in everyday language.
Sex Lexicon from A-Z
24/7 D/s
A permanent role in the dominance/submission dynamic, where a couple lives this power distribution not just during play, but also in everyday life. Requires strong trust, clear rules, and communication.
69
The 69 position means that two people satisfy each other orally at the same time. One person lies upside down over the other. Often very popular with men and somewhat less popular with many women.
A
Aftercare
The most important part after intense sexual or BDSM experiences: attention and care so that everyone involved feels safe and emotionally stable again.
Ageplay
Consensual roleplay where a person takes on a different age role (e.g., “Little”). It’s about dynamics, care, or power structures, not real-life scenarios involving minors.
Analplay
All sexual practices involving the butt – from gentle touches to anal intercourse. Communication and hygiene are crucial here.
Anal Sex
Sexual intercourse via the anus. Slow, consensual, and with plenty of lube – that’s how it becomes enjoyable.
Anilingus
Licking the asshole; this usually starts with rimming and then some people also insert their tongue slightly into the anus; there are many potential health risks involved here.
Ares
In the BDSM scene, often used as a synonym for “Arousal Resistance”: games where the sub is aroused but is not (yet) allowed to have an orgasm. Part of tease-and-denial scenarios.
B
BBC
Abbreviation for Big Black Cock, referring to the large penis of a dark-skinned man.
BDSM
Abbreviation for Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, Sadism & Masochism. A collective term for consensual power and roleplay. The range of play here is very broad, reaching from humiliation to bondage to PetPlay. Usually, one is the dominant part and the other is the submissive part.
BJ (Blowjob)
Abbreviation for blowjob, i.e., oral stimulation of the penis with the mouth, lips, and tongue. Blowjobs can be gentle and playful or very intense (e.g., in connection with Deepthroat or Gagging). For many, the appeal is a combination of physical pleasure, intimacy, and power play. As with all sexual practices: communication about preferences, boundaries, and pace makes the experience more pleasant for everyone involved.
Blindfolding
Covering the eyes during sex leads to more intense sensations because other senses work harder as a result. Additionally, you can play with sounds to stimulate the imagination of the blindfolded person, for example, whip cracks in the air, the vibration of a vibrator, or walking to a specific spot in the room. Blindfolding is also often combined with restraints.
Bondage
Restraint play: from simple handcuffing to artistic Shibari (Japanese rope art). Special bondage ropes are often used, which are available in various materials. It is important to follow the rules for more complex ties and to inform yourself about bondage so that it becomes an enjoyable experience for both. The goal of tying is primarily control, surrender, and sensory enhancement. Often the eyes are also blindfolded to intensify the experience even further.
Breast Torture
A form of physical stimulation or torment of the breasts and especially the nipples, e.g., through clamps, strikes, restraints, or vacuum pumps. Ranges from gentle stimulation to intense pain play.
Breath Play
Erotic play involving the control or restriction of breathing. Extremely risky and only for experienced couples with absolute trust – requires precise preparation and knowledge. The thrill turns many people on and intensifies the feeling of pleasure.
Bukkake
A sexual practice where several men ejaculate on one person (usually a woman) simultaneously or in succession – typically on the face, chest, or body. Originally from Japanese porn culture, Bukkake is practiced today as a group sex scenario. Important: As with all group sex practices, consent, safer sex, and clear agreements in advance are essential.
Butt Plug
A butt plug is essentially an anal stopper. They come in various sizes, usually in an oval, tapered shape so that they are easy to insert. There is always a stopper at the end so that the butt plug doesn’t disappear into the anus. It’s still best to use lube for insertion. The insertion itself is erotic for many, as is the removal, but sex with it can also be stimulating. Butt plugs come in various designs, colors, materials, and shapes.
C
Caning
An advanced striking technique using flexible sticks or rods (usually made of rattan or bamboo). Very pain-intensive and therefore only suitable for the experienced – always with agreement and caution.
CBT (Cock and Ball Torture)
A BDSM practice where the penis and/or testicles are specifically stimulated or tormented – through pressure, strikes, clamps, or other techniques. Only to be performed safely with experience and agreement.
Chemsex
Chemsex refers to sexual activities under the influence of intentionally used drugs such as crystal meth, GHB/GBL, ketamine, or cocaine. In English-speaking countries, it’s also known as PnP and HH. The term PnP (Party and Play) describes sex parties with drug use, especially in the queer scene, while HH (High & Horny) means the same idea in a smaller, private setting.
CMNF
Abbreviation for Clothed Male, Naked Female – a fetish where the man remains clothed while the woman is naked. Popular for power play and experiencing shame, control, or voyeurism.
Consent
Meaning: Everything happens only with a clear, voluntary yes. The most important principle of any sexual encounter.
Cuckold
A man who finds it arousing when his partner has sex with other men – often associated with voyeurism and power play.
Cunnilingus
The intimate satisfaction of a woman with the tongue. Colloquially referred to as “licking.”
D
Deepthroat
Deepthroat refers to an oral sex technique where the penis is inserted deep into the throat so that the mouth and throat are completely filled. Many men find deepthroating particularly intense because the throat becomes narrower, creating a firmer, stimulating sensation. For the person giving, the appeal can lie in overcoming the gag reflex, the feeling of surrender, or playing with power and control. Since this technique is physically demanding, practice, communication, and clear signals between those involved are important.
Diaper Lover (Diaper Fetish)
People who find it sexually arousing or emotionally satisfying to wear or use diapers. Often part of the ABDL scene (Adult Baby/Diaper Lover) – can be combined with ageplay, but doesn’t have to be.
Doggy Style
A sex position where the active partner enters from behind. Popular for the deep penetration and dominant dynamic.
Dom/Sub
Abbreviation for Dominant and Submissive. Describes the distribution of roles in BDSM play: Leading (Dom) and Surrendering (Sub).
E
Edgeplay
BDSM practices that deliberately go to the edge of one’s own comfort zone. Requires a lot of trust and clear agreements.
Ejaculation
The release of semen in men, often associated with orgasm – but can also occur independently of it.
Electroplay
Play with electrical stimuli on the skin or erogenous zones, e.g., through TENS devices. Can be ticklish or intensely stimulating. Only with suitable devices and safety knowledge.
F
Fetish
Sexual preference for specific objects, materials, or actions (e.g., latex, shoes, feet).
Femdom
Short for Female Domination – a setup where the woman takes the dominant role and the man (or the submissive person) subordinates themselves.
Findom
Short for Financial Domination – a fetish where a dominant person (usually Femdom) has control over the submissive partner’s money. Ranges from symbolic “tributes” to far-reaching agreements.
Fisting
The insertion of the entire hand into the vagina or anus. Requires a lot of experience, relaxation, lube, and clear agreements – never without prior consent and preparation.
FFM
A threesome, i.e., sex for three with two women and one man.
Flogger
A multi-tailed striking instrument (usually made of leather) used during spanking or in BDSM sessions. Floggers can stroke softly or cause intense pain depending on the material – perfect for varying play with stimuli.
FKK
Stands for Freikörperkultur (Free Body Culture) and refers to being naked. There are dedicated nudist beaches at some lakes, riverbanks, or even by the sea. On the Croatian coast, there is also the famous “Piggy Beach” where people have sex on the beach. As a woman, you probably shouldn’t go there alone.
G
Gagging
Gagging describes the deliberate triggering of the gag reflex during oral sex (often in connection with deepthroating). Some experience this reflex as erotic or humiliating; others appreciate the more intense tightness and stimulation. Here too: Only with agreement, breaks, and safe signals, as gagging can be physically demanding.
Gangbang
A sexual encounter where one person has sex with several partners simultaneously or in succession. Usually, these are women who enjoy being used by several men.
Glory Hole
A wall opening through which sexual acts can take place anonymously. Normally, a penis is poked through the hole and can be anonymously caressed by various people on the other side. Glory holes are particularly common in gay clubs.
Golden Shower
A Golden Shower refers to a sexual practice where urine plays a role. One person can pee on another or let themselves be peed on. This often happens within fetish or BDSM scenarios involving power, breaking taboos, or special forms of pleasure.
Variants: Standing, lying down, or in the shower; sometimes playful, sometimes ritually integrated.
Meaning: For some, it has a clear fetish character (urophilia); others see it more as an element of humiliation or surrender.
Important: Hygiene, consent, and prior agreement are essential.
H
Handjob
Manual stimulation of the penis with the hand.
Hotwife
A woman who has sex with other men while her partner (usually a cuckold) watches or knows about it – a popular scenario in the swinger world.
HÜ (Surplus of Men)
Parties with HÜ are wifesharing parties, so there are more men than women and a woman there has sex with several men on average (simultaneously and/or in succession).
Hypnokink
A fetish where hypnosis or hypnotic suggestions are integrated into play – e.g., to intensify fantasies, give up power, or take on certain roles. Requires high trust and experience.
I
Intimacy
Closeness and connection that goes beyond pure sexual acts – important in every healthy sexual relationship.
J
J.O.I.
Abbreviation for Jerk Off Instruction – erotic instructions for self-satisfaction, often in the dominance-submission dynamic.
K
Kamasutra
An ancient Indian work on love, sexuality, and different sex positions.
Kinbaku
A more intense form of Japanese bondage that places more emphasis on emotional depth and psychological intensity, less on pure aesthetics.
Kinky
An umbrella term for unusual, exciting, or fetish-related practices that deviate from “classic” sex. Colloquially, “kinky” is also used as an adjective, like kinky outfit, kinky party, or kinky evening.
Clitoris
The clitoris is the female pleasure center with thousands of nerve endings – for most women, the main path to orgasm.
Knife Play
An edge-play area where you play with knife stimuli (blunt or sharp) – psychologically and physically very intense. Only for experienced players and with clear safety rules.
L
Latex
Popular material in the fetish scene. Skin-tight, shiny, and with strong visual appeal. Popular and often seen at BDSM & fetish parties and in corresponding clubs. Fits like a second skin, is exhausting to put on and take off, and you sweat under the non-breathable material. So it’s not exactly the most comfortable fetish outfit.
Lingam
A Sanskrit term for the male genital area, frequently used in Tantra. Similar to “Yoni,” Lingam stands not only for anatomy but also symbolizes life energy, creative power, and spiritual sexuality. In tantric practices, the Lingam is revered and mindfully touched to deepen awareness, pleasure, and connection.
Mood Killer
Factors that block arousal, e.g., stress, fear, or lack of communication. An example: When a couple is just getting intimate and then he or she says “You smell exactly like my mother.” Or when someone bursts into the room. Or horrific tattoos you weren’t expecting. Mood killers are very individual.
M
Masturbation
Masturbation refers to sexual self-satisfaction through stimulation of one’s own genitals – with the hand, toys (sex toys), or other aids. It is one of the most common and natural sexual practices and can take place alone or in the presence of a partner (e.g., mutual masturbation). Masturbation serves not only sexual pleasure but can also reduce stress, promote body awareness, and help in exploring one’s own preferences. In many cultures, self-satisfaction was long tabooed; today it is increasingly recognized as a healthy part of sexuality.
Masochism
Masochism refers to experiencing sexual pleasure through receiving pain, humiliation, or submission. The term goes back to the writer Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, whose works in the 19th century made this topic popular. Masochism can take very different forms – from gentle, playful strikes to intense pain or humiliation scenarios. What’s always important: It happens consensually, in a safe setting, and usually with previously agreed-upon safewords. In the BDSM scene, masochism is one of the central roles and often stands in interplay with sadism (the infliction of pain) – together known as sadomasochism.
MFMF
Couple sex with two couples. Often the partners are swapped and all four enjoy themselves together, two women and two men.
Milking Table
A “milking table” is a special piece of furniture used primarily in fetish or BDSM environments. It is usually a low bench with a padded surface that has an opening in the middle. A person lies face down on the table, making body parts accessible through the opening while the rest of the body remains on the bench. The construction serves to allow touch or stimulation in a playful or voyeuristic situation without the participants having to look directly at each other. In clubs like LOVEKINO, such furniture is used as part of the equipment for special preferences.
MMF
A threesome, i.e., sex for three with two men and one woman.
N
Golden Shower
A term from the fetish and BDSM scene for including urine in sexual practices. This can involve peeing on a partner (urophilia), experiencing urination together, or drinking urine. For many, this is a taboo-breaking act with a strong erotic component that can include power play, humiliation, or intimacy. Important: This should only be practiced with the agreement and consent of all involved. Since urine can contain germs, safer sex practices and hygiene should be observed, especially if it gets into the mouth or on mucous membranes.
Nymphomania
A historical term for what was perceived as excessive sexual desire in women. Originally coined by doctors in the 19th century, nymphomania was used for a long time to pathologize female sexuality and control it socially. Today, the expression is considered outdated and stigmatizing. In modern sexology, one speaks instead of hypersexuality or sexual impulse control disorder if excessive sexual behavior actually causes distress.
O
Oral Sex
Stimulation of the genitals with the mouth, lips, and tongue. Both by the man (blowing) and by the woman (licking). If both happen at the same time, it’s called the 69 position.
Orgasm
The climax of sexual arousal – physically and emotionally experienced very individually. Furthermore, there are various types of orgasms. Women can, for example, climax clitorally, vaginally, anally, just through touch, etc. In Tantra, even a full-body orgasm can be achieved when the energy begins to flow correctly. The woman is allowed to reach orgasm. The man, on the other hand, is not supposed to climax in Tantra, as he loses energy during orgasm and cannot conduct it physically in the same way a woman can.
P
Paddle
A flat striking instrument made of wood, leather, or plastic used in spanking. It produces broad, even strikes that can be varied from gentle to intense. Some paddles have a hole, which allows them to strike harder due to lower air resistance. Others have blunt or sharp studs on them.
Petplay
Roleplay where a person takes on the role of an animal (e.g., dog or cat). The “animal” often wears a butt plug with a tail attached, matching masks, or latex clothing. Additionally, the Dom likes to lead their sub-animal on a leash and on all fours. Drinking from a bowl, grooming oneself, and long walks are also often part of petplay.
Play Fight
A playful combat or wrestling scene that can be part of primal play or D/s dynamics. Ranges from light wrestling to controlled power games – always with agreement and safe boundaries.
Polyamory
The well-known “Free Love,” a form of relationship where several love and/or sexual partners are consensually involved. There are threesome constellations that work permanently; some also live in a community, a shared house, or a place with many other people.
Primal Play
An instinctive, animalistic form of play where roles like “hunter” and “prey” are taken on. Often associated with wrestling, biting, scratching, and animalistic noises. The goal is a raw, unfiltered experience of pleasure without classic BDSM structures.
Q
Queer
An umbrella term for people who do not fit into the classic heterosexual/cisgender categories.
R
Rainbow Kiss
This extraordinary practice is only possible when the woman has her period. It begins with the 69 position, i.e., simultaneous licking and blowing, and then leads to a kiss in which semen and menstrual blood mix. These two body fluids transmit diseases very easily, so this practice is only advisable among trusted couples who are both healthy.
Rigger
In a BDSM context, a rigger is the person who performs bondage, i.e., ties up other people. The term comes from the English “to rig” (to equip, to lash) and is primarily used in the Shibari and rope bondage scene. A rigger deals with knots, ropes, techniques, and the safe application of restraints. It’s not just about the purely practical side, but also about aesthetics, trust, and the special feeling created by tying. Counterpart: the person being tied up is often called a Rope Bunny or Bottom.
Important aspects: Technique, safety (circulation, nerves), communication, but also artistic expression and intimacy.
In short: A rigger is the “rope artist” in BDSM – he or she ties, designs, and bears responsibility for the well-being of the person being tied.
Rimming
Stimulation of the anus with lips or tongue. Only with hygiene and trust.
Roleplay
Roleplay – from simple fantasy play to complex scenarios (e.g., doctor/patient, teacher/student). For example, the game “Two strangers meet in a bar” is popular, where the partners slip into other roles and then have sex in a hotel room. Because a place other than home intensifies the game even more.
Rope Bunny
Term for the person being tied up during bondage. A rope bunny enjoys the feeling of immobilization, the ropes on the skin, and the emotional experience of being tied.
S
Safe Word
A previously agreed-upon word that stops any scene immediately. Essential in BDSM and all intense practices.
Shibari
The Japanese art of aesthetic tying. Characteristic: artistic patterns and poses that showcase the body. The focus is on erotica, aesthetics, and ritual.
Spanking
The targeted striking of the butt (with the hand or aids). Popular as part of BDSM play – from a gentle slap to harder strikes. Important: Consent and clear boundaries.
Semen Play
Erotic practices where semen is deliberately integrated into sexual play (e.g., spreading on the body, consuming). As with all fluid-based play: communication and safer sex are mandatory.
SPH Fetish (Small Penis Humiliation)
A fetish where a man finds it arousing to be belittled or mocked because of the size of his penis. Part of the larger category of humiliation fetishes.
Strap-on
A dildo with a harness, usually worn by women to penetrate their partners (regardless of gender). Popular in pegging (woman enters man anally) or in lesbian sex.
Swinger Club
A place where couples and singles can make sexual contacts with others in a protected environment.
T
Tantra
More than just “slow sex”: Tantra is a spiritual practice that combines sexuality with meditation, breathing, and conscious experience. The goal is often to deepen the connection to oneself and the partner and to experience pleasure holistically.
Tease & Denial
Playfully building up and withholding pleasure – makes the orgasm more intense.
Truffle Butter
A rather newer term describing the mixed secretion of vaginal fluid, anal secretion, and possibly stool residue that can occur when switching from anal sex to vaginal sex and vice versa. Without changing the condom or not using one at all. The name refers to the buttery consistency and the “brownish-white” look of this mixture. Important note: Truffle butter is not a “toy” but rather a side effect of certain sexual practices. Switching between anal and vaginal intercourse without cleaning or changing the condom carries increased infection risks (e.g., from intestinal bacteria). This questionable sex practice is really not recommended in any way.
TV/TS
Abbreviation for Transvestite (TV) and Transsexual (TS). Terms commonly used in the scene (some outdated) for people who wear clothing across gender lines or live/desire gender reassignment. Today, crossdressing or trans identity are often used more neutrally.
U
Urophilia
Arousal through urine – falls into the fetish/golden shower category.
V
Vanilla Sex
“Standard sex” without special fetishes or roleplay. Often contrasted with kink or BDSM.
W
Wax Play
Play with hot wax – popular in the BDSM area. Only with special body wax and caution.
Wifesharing
A fetish or lifestyle where a man finds it arousing when his partner sleeps with other men – often associated with voyeurism or cuckold elements.
X
Xenophilia
Sexual attraction to foreign, unusual, or “different” things or people – often in the form of fantasies about the extraordinary, the unknown, or “the stranger.”
X-Chromosome Fetish
Sometimes used in the scene as a playful term for fascination with femininity or feminine traits (in Femdom or crossdressing contexts).
Y
Yiffing
A term from the furry scene: describes sexual activities (real or in roleplay) between people in animal costumes or with anthropomorphic characters.
Yoni
A Sanskrit term for the female genitals. Especially in the Tantra context, Yoni stands not only for anatomy but for the spiritual and energetic aspect of female sexuality.
Z
Forced Fantasies
Forced fantasies, often called CNC (Consensual Non-Consent) in the scene, are consensual roleplays where powerlessness or forced sexuality is staged. Unlike real assaults, such as rape, they are based on clear agreement, trust, and safewords. The appeal often lies in the fantasy of losing control and playing with power, explored within a safe framework. These fantasies are emotionally intense and therefore require thorough preparation and aftercare between those involved.
Why a Sex Lexicon?
Sexuality is diverse – and terms from the scene, the fetish area, or modern sex culture appear everywhere today: in conversations, in media, in dating profiles. But many don’t know exactly what’s behind them.
Our Sex Lexicon sheds light on the matter: clear, understandable, and without taboos. Whether you just want to inform yourself, are new to the swinger or BDSM scene, or are looking for inspiration for your love life – here you’ll find the most important terms from A to Z, explained in everyday language and with a focus on respect, consent, and safer sex.
